overflow for mayoninofukucho @ i have a type meme

[firstsaderesponder]

[from here]

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[firstsaderesponder]

[The swords cling as they hit together, and he leans in to put extra weight on his end.]

Just go and have sex with a mayo bottle already.

[mayoninofukucho]

[broadens his stance to stabilise his posture]

You're the last person who has any right to say that!

[let's not forget what you did the other week]

And you know what else the Shinsengumi code prohibits? Personal fights! You have to commit seppuku a thousand times, bastard!

[firstsaderesponder]

[Yeah, but he did it to get back at you. Not because he actually likes mayonnaise that way.

He puts more pressure into his sword, only to suddenly shift to his right to try and get you to fall forward. If you don't regain your balance quickly, he'll knee you in the chest too.]

But you fight back. I'll have to bring you down with me.

[mayoninofukucho]

[he's fought against you too often to be blindsided like that]

[twists his body out of the way and issues a powerful swing, hoping to make you lose your grip on your sword]

Seriously, cut it out!

[people are staring]

I have to fight back because the Shinsengumi needs me! Who else is supposed to do all the paperwork? Kondou-san?

[firstsaderesponder]

[And he's fought against you often enough to know how you strike. So you'll get blocked, of course.

(You're right about the paperwork though. Not that he'll admit it. And Kondou-san would be a terrible candidate...)]

Then do all the paperwork and die.

[He'll keep pushing, and then he'll jump back and away nonetheless. Sougo will still have his sword brandished, though.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[lowers his sword, hoping you're willing to call it a draw (seriously, what a goddamn farce), and glares at the onlookers]

What are you people gawking at? Shoo!

[1/2]

[firstsaderesponder]

[It's not as fun when you're not caught off guard. So for now, he will put his sword back into its sheath, to torture you another day.]

Tch. Disappointing.

[2/2]

[firstsaderesponder]

...You still haven't answered whether you want to f*** Mayorin though.

[mayoninofukucho]

[thank goodness]

[sheathes his sword as well as most of the onlookers disperse]

I already told you that's he's not f*** material! He's an innocent mayonnaise fairy!

[firstsaderesponder]

[He's giving you an incredulous look right now.]

Oi, you're still not answering why he's your "type". Do you know what that means? It means someone you want to stick a leash on. Or someone you want to leash you.

[mayoninofukucho]

Normal people don't treat their loved ones like dogs, only S freaks like you do.

[firstsaderesponder]

But you feed them, give them nicknames, give them physical affection, and punish them when they poop in the house. It's the same thing.

[mayoninofukucho]

Mayorin wouldn't poop in the house!

[... right?]

[firstsaderesponder]

Mayonnaise is dog food so he already is poop.

[mayoninofukucho]

You're really looking for trouble today.

[firstsaderesponder]

But doesn't a squeeze of mayonnaise look like poop? Well, poop that's not brown.

That means it's [censored].

[mayoninofukucho]

By this logic cream on top of a sundae looks like poop that's not brown too. Do you really want to go there? Do you want to turn everything into poop?

[firstsaderesponder]

Boss is influencing your thinking again. But I’ll talk to him about that. Thanks for the idea. You’re good for something after all.

[What a great compliment, huh? Anyways he won’t answer your question directly.]

[mayoninofukucho]

What? That wasn't about him! As if I'd think about him! Other people eat sundaes too! There's nothing to talk about with him for you!

[the last thing he needs is you two sadists teaming up again]

[firstsaderesponder]

But a sundae was the first thing you thought of. Wow, he must really be on your mind.

Oh wait, but he's not Mayorin. Such high standards, Hijikata-san.

[mayoninofukucho]

No shit he isn't Mayorin.

[scoffs]

The difference couldn't be greater.

[especially regarding their respective effects on his blood pressure]

[firstsaderesponder]

We should make him dress up as Mayorin.

[What do you mean, they both raise your blood pressure. Just in different ways.]

[mayoninofukucho]

What for?

[what do you know, little sadist]

[firstsaderesponder]

It would be hilarious. You can finally have your way with Mayorin.

[mayoninofukucho]

First of all I told you I don't want to f*** Mayorin!

Second, that dead-fish-eyed cloud-looking bastard could never channel his innocent essence!