firstsaderesponder

[He's not even bidding. That's not why he's here.

He saw this guy's name and did the fastest, snap double take in his life so far. Which isn't that hard to meet, actually. But in this very specific case, Kashuu Kiyomitsu have a completely valid reason this time!]

Wait, your name is Okita Sougo?

[Embedded is a video with a clear shot of... two sock puppets. Yes, sock puppets. One green sock, one navy blue sock. He even put decorative pins where the eyes should be. For the two puppets, he'll be using two very different tones to differentiate between the characters talking. The green one comes across as very calm and composed, often deadpan and sarcastic. Not too different from his usual speech. The blue one, on the other hand, comes across as reactive and easily goaded.]

Hey, what would you be willing to trade for a flying car?

What do you mean?

Say some German scientist comes up to you and says "I have invented the flying car. I will give it to you on one condition." [He uses an obvious German accent to do the scientist's line.]

What's the condition?

He's not going to tell you.

Then it's no deal.

The guy is offering you the flying car. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Just take the car, man.

Not until I know what the catch is.

Fine, the catch is you gotta cut off a foot.

Pffft, no way.

Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car? You're that selfish?

It's my foot! How am I supposed to walk?

What 'walk'? You'll have the flying car. Imagine the money you'd make off of it. After that you could buy fifty prosthetic feet.

Well... which foot. Right or left?

Your choice.

Okay, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car.

So it's a deal then. Your foot for the flying car. You're sure.

Yes, I'm sure.

You can't welch.

I won't welch.

Because the whole world is counting on you.

What the hell kind of scientist is this guy anyway?

One with a lot of free time on his hands. And a foot fetish. So, then what happens is you find out the guy's going to take off your foot with a hacksaw—

What?

And no anesthetic.

Screw that!

Come on, it's part of the deal.

You didn't say that before!

Come on, it only hurts when they're taking the foot off. After that they'll use a local on your stuff and cauterize the wound.

Why can't I have the local before he cuts it off??

Because. He is a sick degenerate that watched too many WWII documentaries and likes to inflict pain.

You said he was a man of science!

You don't think Einstein liked hacking people's feet off, but nobody ever said a thing about it because he was one of the greatest thinkers of our time. Come on, man, take the hit for the team. It's a few seconds of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic.

Fiiiine. As long as I get the local as soon as he's done cutting.

So you want the local?

Who am I, the Marquis de Sade? Yes, I want the local!

... All right.

Why'd you say it like that for?

It's just, the local he gives you knocks you out, and when you're out he diddles your peeny.

Oh come on!

Hey, man. You made the deal.

To trade my foot for the flying car! Not to be tortured and molested by some mad German scientist.

And his friends.

What?

Just, when he's done with you he gives his friends a shot at you too.

Deal's off!

What are you, some kind of homophobe?

No, I just don't want to be diddled by some insane German scientist and his friends after they've hacked my foot off!

Need I remind you this is for the flying car?

It ain't worth it!

See, you're what's wrong with this world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level, never thinking about the rest of us. And you'll forever be remembered as the sad footnote in the book of life, the wimpy little scumbag who could've breached the chasm of becoming and being, but instead opted to cover his own ass and foot in the process.

All right! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off, then him and his friends can have their way with me, all for the flying caaaaaar.

...You'd do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car?

...

I thought I knew you, man.

[ listen, it might take France a week after his initial conversation with Hijikata to get around to texting Sougo, but he's still as cross now as he was then. Wine mom with his damned grudges. ]

Hijikata seems like a nice enough man. I do appreciate you introducing us. Did you know we'd get along?

[ But he'll lead out with a false sense of security. At 5AM. ]

Other than spicy food, what else are you interested in? Ah, this is Sen.

[One of his main complaints during Cordis and the triple moons is that-

Things tend to get foggy.

He's not unaware of what's happening around him, but his judgement and senses are dulled and that keen edge he's cultivated over the years vanishes with that brilliant blue moon. Things tend to get out of hand and that's not necessarily bad or new. It's not unlike him to lose that tight reign of control he has over his emotions, but this-

This is unacceptable.

It started as a fight. He remembers that. A typical evening for them that somehow ended up with him recognizing Sougo was an Iris for the very first time during that tumble, but-

Before he could really think about it, that fight turned into a different sort of clash. A meeting of lips, a desperate attempt to control, an intimate exchange that he's trying not to recall, but every part of him aches in a way that proves they definitely had a hectic night. His neck burns from the memory of a collar that had been placed around him at some point during round two and he-

Sougo's behind him. In the bed.

And Caesar's on the edge of it, legs swung over the side to pull up his pajama pants-as if literally covering up will help him forget this ever happened. His eyes are piercing the wall in front of him because that's the only thing he can bear to face right now. The sheets behind him are twisted from their night and-

Their night and-

He abruptly stands, pointed amber ears perking high in the air and his blond tail puffs up twice its original size from his growing annoyance.]

I know you're awake, stronzo. Go back to your own room and we'll never speak of this again.

i have tried this dish at this restaurant you recommended.

i was assured that what i ordered was indeed the hijikata special and not some kind of misunderstanding of a request for extra toppings.

my real review:

the katsudon was quite lovely, if not a little dry. it had a very authentic flavor (from what i could tell) and the rice was prepared.

but after consuming this dish i do not think i shall ever need to eat mayonnaise again. i have eaten enough mayonnaise to last through my lifetime. it adulterated much of the rice and katsudon, which is a shame.

i do not know who requested katsudon be covered in so much mayonnaise -- perhaps a dollop or two would be pleasant -- but i would advise they cut back on the portioning. perhapsit would also save them on food preparation cost.

[At the start of the Iris season Hijikata knocks on Sougo's apartment door. It's the Sanguis cycle, and thanks to Queen Tempeste's interference his usual cattle traits are amplified, resulting in imposingly large curved horns and elongated hoofed legs. He isn't here to pick a fight, though. When Sougo opens the door he'll immediately see the sake set in Hijikata's hands.]

Have a drink with me.

[No preamble or anything. It's the fourth day of the month, so Sougo knows what they have to celebrate.]

Edited 2020-09-09 19:45 (UTC)

During Charity Date Auction

text + attached video file; un: ruffestrabbit

Aw shit, backdated to the Ides of May: text

text

triple moon

( text ; 8/15 )

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