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Okita Sougo ⬤ Gintama
residential district ⬤ level 2 w/ Caesar + Mitsuba
moonblessing ⬤ Iris

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During Charity Date Auction

[saigawa]

[He's not even bidding. That's not why he's here.

He saw this guy's name and did the fastest, snap double take in his life so far. Which isn't that hard to meet, actually. But in this very specific case, Kashuu Kiyomitsu have a completely valid reason this time!]

Wait, your name is Okita Sougo?

[firstsaderesponder]

[Sougo was just wandering around, looking for new dates to try and inflict on Hijikata...not that he had that much chroma. He hears someone call his name and oh, he remembers this dude from before. With the lanterns.]

Yeah. Did you want me to insult you again?

[That could be arranged. That could always be arranged. Sougo cocks his antlered head to the side.]

[saigawa]

What, no. Who even wants to get insulted?

[He doesn't have a thing for that, only praise and compliments. Anyway, he looks at Sougo carefully. It could be a coincidence, but it's worth asking.]

Does the name "Okita Souji" mean anything to you?

[Kashuu's curious, and maybe a tiny bit caring a little. Only tiny, because it's Sougo he's talking to.]

[firstsaderesponder]

You've never heard of masochism before? Hm. I don't think you're a sadist, either, though.

[He lifts his hand to his chin in a thinking pose, even while his face is still as unexpressive as ever.]

Anyways, yeah, of course. My character is based on the real guy. Just like Hijikata-san and Kondou-san.

[Sougo would try to leave off the honorific for Hijikata because he doesn't deserve it, but that could be misconstrued as intimacy. Let's not give Kashuu the wrong impression.]

text + attached video file; un: ruffestrabbit

[zunge]

[Embedded is a video with a clear shot of... two sock puppets. Yes, sock puppets. One green sock, one navy blue sock. He even put decorative pins where the eyes should be. For the two puppets, he'll be using two very different tones to differentiate between the characters talking. The green one comes across as very calm and composed, often deadpan and sarcastic. Not too different from his usual speech. The blue one, on the other hand, comes across as reactive and easily goaded.]

Hey, what would you be willing to trade for a flying car?

What do you mean?

Say some German scientist comes up to you and says "I have invented the flying car. I will give it to you on one condition." [He uses an obvious German accent to do the scientist's line.]

What's the condition?

He's not going to tell you.

Then it's no deal.

The guy is offering you the flying car. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Just take the car, man.

Not until I know what the catch is.

Fine, the catch is you gotta cut off a foot.

Pffft, no way.

Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car? You're that selfish?

It's my foot! How am I supposed to walk?

What 'walk'? You'll have the flying car. Imagine the money you'd make off of it. After that you could buy fifty prosthetic feet.

Well... which foot. Right or left?

Your choice.

Okay, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car.

So it's a deal then. Your foot for the flying car. You're sure.

Yes, I'm sure.

You can't welch.

I won't welch.

Because the whole world is counting on you.

What the hell kind of scientist is this guy anyway?

One with a lot of free time on his hands. And a foot fetish. So, then what happens is you find out the guy's going to take off your foot with a hacksaw—

What?

And no anesthetic.

Screw that!

Come on, it's part of the deal.

You didn't say that before!

Come on, it only hurts when they're taking the foot off. After that they'll use a local on your stuff and cauterize the wound.

Why can't I have the local before he cuts it off??

Because. He is a sick degenerate that watched too many WWII documentaries and likes to inflict pain.

You said he was a man of science!

You don't think Einstein liked hacking people's feet off, but nobody ever said a thing about it because he was one of the greatest thinkers of our time. Come on, man, take the hit for the team. It's a few seconds of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic.

Fiiiine. As long as I get the local as soon as he's done cutting.

So you want the local?

Who am I, the Marquis de Sade? Yes, I want the local!

... All right.

Why'd you say it like that for?

It's just, the local he gives you knocks you out, and when you're out he diddles your peeny.

Oh come on!

Hey, man. You made the deal.

To trade my foot for the flying car! Not to be tortured and molested by some mad German scientist.

And his friends.

What?

Just, when he's done with you he gives his friends a shot at you too.

Deal's off!

What are you, some kind of homophobe?

No, I just don't want to be diddled by some insane German scientist and his friends after they've hacked my foot off!

Need I remind you this is for the flying car?

It ain't worth it!

See, you're what's wrong with this world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level, never thinking about the rest of us. And you'll forever be remembered as the sad footnote in the book of life, the wimpy little scumbag who could've breached the chasm of becoming and being, but instead opted to cover his own ass and foot in the process.

All right! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off, then him and his friends can have their way with me, all for the flying caaaaaar.

...You'd do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car?

...

I thought I knew you, man.

[firstsaderesponder]

[Huh. A familiar username. Sougo watches the video all the way through and appreciates the humor...mostly because messing with people like this is also his thing. Noiz's deadpan speech is even similar to Sougo's own.]

this is just me and hijikata-san

[zunge]

Is it now? You'd pull that exact kind of BS on him?

[firstsaderesponder]

yeah why not? getting him riled up like that is fun

[You should know this, Noiz.]

Aw shit, backdated to the Ides of May: text

[amant]

[ listen, it might take France a week after his initial conversation with Hijikata to get around to texting Sougo, but he's still as cross now as he was then. Wine mom with his damned grudges. ]

Hijikata seems like a nice enough man. I do appreciate you introducing us. Did you know we'd get along?

[ But he'll lead out with a false sense of security. At 5AM. ]

here we go....

[firstsaderesponder]

[Meanwhile, Sougo had no idea what had transpired. Around that time, he had kept an eye on Hijikata's apartment right across from him, but nothing of interest happened. It would've been nice if he had put more effort into stalking them both, but also...that would take effort. He's willing to put in that work for Hijikata, but not for the random Frenchman. So he kept holding on, hoping that eventually either one of them would start yelling at him after their disaster of a date.

Sougo replies to the text once he wakes up. Which is probably almost around noon.]

so did you two do it

[Let's get straight to the point here.]

[amant]

[ By noon he's probably having a friendly lunch date. Unfortunately, the benign chime of an incoming message has him curious enough to check it during. The nation rolling his eyes is so obvious that he has to apologize and clarify he didn't intend it for his friend. Thankfully, they're almost done and France promptly texts back. At 1:30, give or take. 3? Who knows. ]

I don't kiss and tell, Sougo! We did have a rather nice conversation though. You may have been brought up... You know, I may be immortal but I hate it when people try to waste my time. What makes you think you can waste mine with whatever lover's quarrel you two have?

[ He'd not purchased space fugu at the time he'd contacted Hijikata at least. So, he's not out much beyond time but that's the argument, damn it. France had avoided even suggesting the word 'lover' in his conversation with Hijikata. He doesn't really believe them to be lovers, but if it inconveniences Sougo he's happy to do it. ]

[firstsaderesponder]

[1:30 or 3:00? That's around the time of his afternoon nap. Maybe he'll even go and train a little after that nap. Either way, both France and Sougo have a flexible outlook on time, so France surely wouldn't mind if this text comes around dinner time.]

i'm gonna take that as a no

it's not a lovers' quarrel wtf. hijikata just needs to get laid. i should've known that was a no bc he's still pissy

[He's still pissy because he has to deal with you, Sougo.

His true intentions was to fuck with the both of them, but he'll play it a little more vague right now. Who knows what had transpired? Maybe France hasn't seen the full extent of how gross Hijikata is.]

text

[hoasen]

Other than spicy food, what else are you interested in? Ah, this is Sen.

[firstsaderesponder]

hey

i'm into bdsm

[Of course he has other interests (including making Hijikata's life a living hell), but those aren't as fun to him as his obsession with sadism.]

[hoasen]

[He's suddenly in the right place, she figures.]

Considering the nature of this place, this must suit you.

[firstsaderesponder]

yeah it's great

[Never mind that he hasn't gotten too close to others yet, as much as he wishes to experiment more. He also does have some interests beyond kink, such as rakugo and sword fighting (which Vietnam should know), but hey, he has a ~reputation~ to uphold.]

aliens were always pretty weird but i didn't know they could get THIS weird

triple moon

[casaposa]

[One of his main complaints during Cordis and the triple moons is that-

Things tend to get foggy.

He's not unaware of what's happening around him, but his judgement and senses are dulled and that keen edge he's cultivated over the years vanishes with that brilliant blue moon. Things tend to get out of hand and that's not necessarily bad or new. It's not unlike him to lose that tight reign of control he has over his emotions, but this-

This is unacceptable.

It started as a fight. He remembers that. A typical evening for them that somehow ended up with him recognizing Sougo was an Iris for the very first time during that tumble, but-

Before he could really think about it, that fight turned into a different sort of clash. A meeting of lips, a desperate attempt to control, an intimate exchange that he's trying not to recall, but every part of him aches in a way that proves they definitely had a hectic night. His neck burns from the memory of a collar that had been placed around him at some point during round two and he-

Sougo's behind him. In the bed.

And Caesar's on the edge of it, legs swung over the side to pull up his pajama pants-as if literally covering up will help him forget this ever happened. His eyes are piercing the wall in front of him because that's the only thing he can bear to face right now. The sheets behind him are twisted from their night and-

Their night and-

He abruptly stands, pointed amber ears perking high in the air and his blond tail puffs up twice its original size from his growing annoyance.]

I know you're awake, stronzo. Go back to your own room and we'll never speak of this again.

let's gooooooo

[firstsaderesponder]

[The moons make you do weird things. And sleep with weird people.

Case in point: this babyfaced sadist and this grumpy beefcake.

A fight over who puts the plates in the dishwasher is never just a fight, is it? That's already a regular occurrence in the Okita-Zeppeli household. A fight with Caesar might as well be another daily meal for Sougo. But this time, clearly, Caesar was the one who initially the kiss, okay. That's what Sougo will say and he's sticking to it. But Iris already made him feel needy and with the adrenaline from the fight kept spurring him on. Until...it finally happened.

You know what they say about assuming, Caesar. Sougo was having a nice nap on your bed until you ruined it. His butt feels...really weird. Thanks to that Iris lubed asshole, it doesn't hurt. And any rough treatment would heal up instantly for Sougo anyways. Besides, bottom or not, Sougo is the one who wants to be rough! But that night was the first night that anyone, even in Prismatica, had taken his ass. Congratulations on this accomplishment.]

Nah. Your bed's too comfy.

[Sougo thinks his bed is comfier, but even in a half-sleepy stupor, he wants to be the contrarian little fucker he is. As Caesar stands, Sougo rolls over so that he's laying down on his back, taking up as much space of the bed as he can.]

[casaposa]

[Cool, cool, cool.

He's going to be an asshole until the very end, huh? This is the worst case scenario he had prepared for, thankfully, because Sougo always seems to go that route. It doesn't matter if the situation is as mundane as arguing over chores or moments muddled by the moon's influence. He will always choose the method that provokes him the most and right now-

The fool splays across his bed like he owns it, acting every bit like a petulant child that was just told no.

Caesar knows from experience that dragging him is a chore. He's a squirmy, fast little creature and the effort won't be worth the reward. Not when he can-

Place both hands under the edge of his mattress and push it up with every bit of strength he can muster. If he can't flip mattresses from time to time, what's all this beef even for??

Anyway, Sougo's going have to make a choice and Caesar can only hope that decision involves a satisfying drop to the ground.]

( text ; 8/15 )

[vanity]

i have tried this dish at this restaurant you recommended.

i was assured that what i ordered was indeed the hijikata special and not some kind of misunderstanding of a request for extra toppings.

my real review:

the katsudon was quite lovely, if not a little dry. it had a very authentic flavor (from what i could tell) and the rice was prepared.

but after consuming this dish i do not think i shall ever need to eat mayonnaise again. i have eaten enough mayonnaise to last through my lifetime. it adulterated much of the rice and katsudon, which is a shame.

i do not know who requested katsudon be covered in so much mayonnaise -- perhaps a dollop or two would be pleasant -- but i would advise they cut back on the portioning. perhapsit would also save them on food preparation cost.

[firstsaderesponder]

[Amazing. If only he were there to witness the look on Tamaki's face while eating that cursed special, but alas. Sougo will just have to settle for imagining it while reading this text.]

i told you it's the most low class you can get. it's practically dog food

that's just hijikata for you. he could eat three of these things a day. ah maybe i should forward this to him

the most important question: did you finish it all

[Sougo could generally stomach eating an entire Hijikata special, all while insulting his superior all the way. He's not sure whether others can, though. And that's the beauty of it.]

[vanity]

if i ate three of these i believe i would wind up in the hospital. at the least, i would beg god for mercy and to relieve me of the pain in my heart AND in my stomach.

this hijikata must be an interesting man to take on such a challenge. and willingly.

answer: i did. as a matter of principle. a reviewer must finish the meal in order to get a full idea of its flavors and purpose.

[mayoninofukucho]

[At the start of the Iris season Hijikata knocks on Sougo's apartment door. It's the Sanguis cycle, and thanks to Queen Tempeste's interference his usual cattle traits are amplified, resulting in imposingly large curved horns and elongated hoofed legs. He isn't here to pick a fight, though. When Sougo opens the door he'll immediately see the sake set in Hijikata's hands.]

Have a drink with me.

[No preamble or anything. It's the fourth day of the month, so Sougo knows what they have to celebrate.]

[firstsaderesponder]

[Another day on Prismatica, another birthday that Sougo misses. That natural course of action was to be a sulky boy in his own room. Sougo didn't know how time worked in this place; was Kondou-san doing okay without them? He's not doing okay without Kondou-san...especially not when his Iris traits were out in full force for some reason.

Unfortunately what greets him at the door is his greatest rival for Kondou's attention. Why did he have to get stuck with Hijikata. But he sees the ceramic pieces in Hijikata's hands, and Sougo immediately knows. They both miss him.

And to be honest, he needs someone. Anyone.

Hijikata will see that in addition to his antlers and ears, Sougo's face is looking more...deer-like. The tip of his nose is colored black and he looks like he has eyeliner around his eyes. Sougo tries to rubs the back of his head, trying to appear as if hanging out isn't a big deal. But his entire arm is now a bat wing, and he's trying to make use of the teeny tiny thumb he has.]

Fine. You better not break the cups, Bull-san.

[Oh, these stupid, stupid boys.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[It's still wild to see Sougo looking like this. Sometimes Hijikata feels like they're all just dressed up for yet another new merchandise set, probably in collaboration with a zoo or something, but the physical and emotional changes are all too real. Knowing that they have to spend their commander's birthday without him has put enough of a damper on his Sanguis aggression to keep it from flaring up at every small provocation (though it also helps that he got into some fights over the last few days).]

My hands aren't hooves, are they? But you can carry them if you want to.

[He holds the sake cups and bottles (one for pouring, two large ones containing the actual drink) out to Sougo, not expecting him to actually take them.]

Do you want to stay around here or go to the Groves? In the latter case bring a blanket.

[Sougo can do some of the work at least. Ever since the floods at the end of last month temperatures markedly fell, but it's still mild enough to sit outside and enjoy the weakened warmth of the sun.]